you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
