At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
