Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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