When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
