Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
