I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
