You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
