i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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