What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
