dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
