dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
