I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
