I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize