yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
