you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
