Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
