Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
