i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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