Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
