Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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