i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
