Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
