I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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