I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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