I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
