I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
