god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize