He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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