she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
