I hate your face
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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