12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
