i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
