Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
