so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
