you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
