Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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