Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize