I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
