yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
