No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
