he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize