I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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