In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
