Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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