Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
