ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
