Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
