I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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