this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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