ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
