Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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