Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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