I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
