Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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