We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
