it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
