I am spending my child support on dildos
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
