When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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