Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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