just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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