Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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