haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
