chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
