Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
