Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
