That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
