Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have already put on my inside pants.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
