Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
